Tuesday, September 25, 2001

Happy Together?
Cohabitation can lead to either marriage or separation, but college students need to be aware of the facts
By Angie Chang and Sarah McClellan
Skiff Staff

Vanessa Calkin and Dean Forshee decided to move in together after three months of dating, but their plans did not involve practicing a mock marriage.

“When (Dean) told me that he wanted to live with me, he was so excited that it was just very easy to do,” said Calkin, a senior religion and philosophy major. “The decision felt like a natural step in our relationship. It wasn’t like trying to see if we could (handle) marriage.”

David Elizalde Skiff Staff

According to the Center for Law and Social Policy, Inc., the last two decades have shown an increase in cohabitation. Statistics indicate that between 1970 and 1994, the number of unmarried couples living together rose from about 500,000 to almost 3.7 million.

Jean Giles-Sims, a professor of sociology, said cohabitation is a trend that is on the rise as more people become sexually active at a younger age. There is more time between being sexually active and getting married in this generation, which leads more people to move in together for convenience, she said.

“For most people, they get pulled into moving together because one person starts leaving stuff at the other person’s place, and then both of their leases are up and it seems like moving in together is a good idea,” Giles-Sims said. “For college students, they can be quite sure that (living together) is going to be a permanent situation, but in most cases it won’t be because college is a time of many life changes and also in partnership changes.”

Marissa Serrano, a student at Tarrant County College, said that she and her boyfriend Austin Adrian, practically lived together while they were dating.

“We pretty much stayed together every night even though we were living in two different places,” Serrano said. “So when both our leases ended, we decided it would be cheaper to move in together.”

Serrano and Adrian said they thought about every factor involved with cohabitation before they decided to move in together. They said in the event of an argument or break up they would not break the lease, but instead would live in separate bedrooms of their two-bedroom apartment until the lease ended.

Giles-Sims said many people consider cohabiting as a prelude to marriage.

“A cohabiting relationship can have a positive outcome, but when considering (moving in together), couples need to make sure they are going in with eyes wide open and that they have the same expectations of the relationship,” she said. “The bargain between the two parties needs to be fair so that one party doesn’t anticipate marriage.”

Lana Bell, a senior nutrition and dietetics major, said living with her boyfriend before marriage was a mistake. She and her boyfriend, Chris Welch, moved in together after dating for six months. She said living together caused many problems and led to their separation about a year after they started living together.

“I didn’t understand what it was going to be like,” Bell said. “I was unprepared and I wasn’t ready to be (in that living situation). I wasn’t ready to grow up that fast.”

Bell said even though her boyfriend did not expect her to act like a wife, she felt she was expected to fulfill that role.

“I wasn’t thinking about getting married but I thought we’d be together for a long time,” Bell said. “I ended up feeling removed from my school friends and responsibilities, and I had to keep a household together. And I did find myself doing all the laundry and cleaning.”

Bell said though she knew cohabitation would be a big commitment, but she did not realize the stress level involved.

“We stopped listening to each other,” Bell said. “We just got tired of each other.”

The Center for Law and Social Policy, Inc. reports that cohabitation is more likely to happen among those who did not complete high school as opposed to people who pursue a college education.

“There are less people that cohabitate at TCU because most people who attend school here come from a religious, conservative background,” Giles-Sims said. “Also, many students’ parents are paying for their education and rent which means they can step in. But many parents are changing their attitudes about cohabitation. Some think it’s a good idea to postpone marriage (during college years).”

Bell said her mom hated the idea of cohabitation.

“I think she knew it wouldn’t work out and I would realize he’s not the kind of person I would marry, so she just let it happen,” Bell said. “She was right, and I would listen to her now.”

For Calkin and Forshee, living together has resulted in a July engagement for the couple. The two agree that living together was a practical decision for them and has strengthened their relationship.

“As college students, if we weren’t living together, we would sacrifice a lot of studying time,” said Forshee, a graduate student at the University of Texas at Arlington. “Since we live together, we can spend time together while studying. Otherwise our schedules would never allow us to see very much of each other.”