Meaning still to be found
COMMENTARY
Bethany McCormack

It’s difficult to write objectively about my college experience while I’m still enclosed within the university’s borders. I still live in the on-campus apartments with their Holiday Inn-esque furniture and paper-thin walls. I haven’t yet packed up my four years worth of accumulated junk or walked across the stage to receive that coveted piece of paper.

I almost feel more suited to write a senior column about my high school experience than my college one. I know without a doubt how high school changed me. I remember coming home from the unfamiliar private Catholic school and crying almost every day for the first year. I also remember loving nearly every moment of my senior year. I didn’t understand until after high school that my senior year would have been far less meaningful without the onerous freshman year.

I’m still too connected with TCU to analyze the past four years of my life. At this exact moment I’m just ready to be done. I have a three-day-old headache caused by sleep deprivation, an internship, writing assignments and the 12 job applications waiting on my desk to be completed and sent off. There’s not much time for sentiment.

Maybe in a year or so I will be far-enough removed from TCU to be able to write an accurate, objective column about my experience here (not that I will actually write a column ever again). Maybe after I’ve spent time somewhere else, after I’ve seen who I am outside of TCU, then I can understand who I was at TCU.

When college friends are no longer minutes away, maybe I will then realize the value of those friendships. When GPA is no longer a concern, maybe I will then recognize my professors’ wisdom and influence on my life. Maybe I will eventually identify the moments at TCU that shaped me, and maybe those will be the memories that last.

I don’t yet know if I’m better prepared for the future because of TCU. I don’t know if I’m a better person because of the university. I do know that I’m grateful I was able to attend TCU (thanks Mom).

I also know that I don’t regret any of my time here. There are moments that I wouldn’t wish to repeat, but I can’t take them back now. Every mistake and achievement serves some purpose and teaches some type of lesson.

Soon we will rely on our memories to define our experiences at TCU. But just as important as memories, the future will determine the quality of our college experience.

For many of us, that future remains uncertain.

Next year, I plan to teach middle school, pending employment. When I stand in front of those 7th and 8th graders the first day, I may quickly decide how wonderful college was and wish I were back there. Or I may discover that I should thank TCU for equipping me with the knowledge and confidence necessary for success.

I’ll find out soon enough.

Bethany McCormack is a graduating senior news-editorial journalism major from Dallas. She can be reached at (b.s.mccormack@tcu.edu).