Letting go just not that easy
That ‘funny feeling’ can only be healed with time

I’ve taken to stalking my ex-boyfriend. It doesn’t necessarily make me happy, but it gives me something to do between work and school. I started calling him when I knew he wouldn’t be home to listen to his answering machine message. I get this funny feeling each time he gets to the part where he says his name. It’s not chills. It’s not butterflies. It’s just a funny feeling. I keep calling because I like it.

Last week, I wandered downtown in search of his church. I just wanted to get a glimpse of his car. It isn’t a new car or even a pretty car. It’s all beaten up and sort of raggedy. But it’s his car, and it too gives me that funny feeling.

Sometimes, meaning all of the time in stalker language, I think I see his car as I’m driving down the road, and I turn to look. It doesn’t matter how fast I’m going or even if I’m negotiating a difficult curve. I always crane my head only to find out that it isn’t his car. I’ve almost gotten into several accidents that way.

I know where my ex-boyfriend lives. I haven’t gone, but I know. Before I knew his address, I’d sometimes drive around in the general area where I suspected he stayed. I’d look around hopelessly for a sign from God — something along the lines of neon lights or writing in the sky stating, “he lives here” — but none ever came. Then, in a desperate moment of clarity, it dawned on me — look in the phone book. I know where my ex-boyfriend lives.

I have yet to decide what I’m going to do about my ex-boyfriend. You see, stalking gets to a point where it is painful for the stalker. There’s a crossroad where prank phone calls in the middle of the night just aren’t as satisfying. There comes a time when staring at a picture mouthing that same name over and over again only brings bile to your throat, causing you to shudder as you choke it back down. There comes a point where there’s a need to act — a physical need to do something, anything, to keep from exploding. I’m to that point.

Now, you probably think my ex-boyfriend should be scared by this time. Surely if you were him and you were reading this, you’d probably take it to the police and demand a restraining order. But, the fact is, I’m not planning to do my ex any harm. I don’t want him dead or dismembered, though I’ve thought about it. I don’t want to torture him or make him hurt as much as he hurt me. I don’t even want to scare him, although the thought that I have makes me smile. What I want is actually quite simple.

I want what anyone would want in my situation. I want to forget. I want to forget his name and his face. I want to erase his kiss and his embrace. I want to obliterate every fond memory, every soft caress. I want to be able to look him in his face and not even be phased by his beautiful eyes and sweet smile. I want my dreams and fantasies back. I want my heart. I want my love.

I’ve been waiting for my ex to call. After all we’ve been through, he told me that he wants to be friends. Friends. I figure if he was such a good friend, he’d return what was mine. Instead, he has decided to keep it all, and I’m too polite to ask for anything back. Besides, how would I sound asking him for my heart? Still, I wait for him to call. Of course, my good friend never does.

I’d like there to be a moral to this story. I’d like there to be some ending, happy or otherwise, so that when I’m old and wrinkled sitting in my rocking chair, I can have some important nugget of wisdom to share with dreamy-eyed children, that will save them some sort of pain or bring them some kind of happiness.

In my heart, I guess I’d like the moral to be that if you’re diligent and faithful and hope for something long enough, it will someday come to be. In my head, I know the moral; sometimes hearts lie.

Opinion Editor Shavahn Dorris is a senior English major from Joliet, Ill.
She can be reached at (Missvon21@aol.com).

With a bang on the peace gong, the United Nations special millennium summit of 150 world leaders opened in New York Wednesday.

On the first day, 63 speakers gave stirring speeches on the world’s neglect of Africa, global poverty and disease and human rights. A platform that focuses the dizzying array of world views in one place can easily mask the inherent logistical problems and bureaucracy of an organization the size of the United Nations.

The power of the United Nations has been compromised since its inception in 1945 by the tension between maintaining countries’ individual sovereignty and capitulating to global interests. This flaw became evident Thursday when the 15-member Security Council passed a resolution to bolster peacekeeping efforts but failed to decide on when U.N. troops would be justified in using force to prevent genocide.

U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said the organization’s credibility was suffering in crisis spots in the world — the failure to prevent genocide in Rwanda in 1994 and this year’s rebel kidnapping of about 500 peacekeepers in Sierra Leone is testimony to its limitations.

As the U.N. struggles to adjust its operations to a post-Cold War world where the threat of civil war in several countries has surpassed the threat of international war, it must define its world role more narrowly. Pledging to deal with multiplying conflicts naturally over-extends an already unwieldy and often ineffective organization.

But implementing world peace calls for sacrificing some sovereignty. Of course, this decision lies with the world leaders themselves. But as Maldives president Maumoon Abdul Gaymoom said, “Inaction speaks louder than words.”

In response to John Araujo’s editorial on the 2000 election campaigns, I would like to provide some information on an important candidate Araujo failed to mention: Ralph Nader, who is running with the Green Party.

Nader launched the modern consumer movement with his 1965 best-seller, “Unsafe at Any Speed,” which exposed unsafe cars such as General Motors’ dangerously defective Chevrolet Corvair. As a graduate of Harvard Law School, Nader has fought continuously against corporations who profit at the expense of our safety. He established an activist group, Nader’s Raiders, which has successfully pushed for numerous laws to protect consumers, workers, taxpayers and the environment. Nader refuses to accept soft money, he speaks for equal rights for gays and lesbians, he advocates a living wage and universal health coverage, and he unequivocally opposes the death penalty.

And by the way, Pat Buchanan is not the only candidate to have chosen a female minority running mate. Nader is once again running with Native American activist Winona LaDuke, a Harvard graduate and co-chair of the Indigenous Women’s Network. She has long fought to protect the environment and defend the rights of indigenous peoples.

— Crista C. Williams
senior psychology major

I totally agree with the article by Daniel Bramlette in the Aug. 24 issue of the Skiff. The article addressed how TCU penny-pinches students when it comes to parking. TCU students are being taken advantage of by the administration and a ticket-writing-happy police force. Students are forced to buy distasteful looking stickers that no one should be forced to place on their vehicle, BMW or Pinto.

The university has a field day on Sunday and Monday nights in Worth Hills. This is when the Greek community has meetings. All of the fire lanes are blocked and people are parked on the grass. Could TCU expand parking in this area? Of course they could.

I also agree with Bramlette’s point that TCU oversells parking stickers. The school knows the availability (of parking spaces) and should keep the stickers to the parking capacity. Instead, TCU decides to make profits off of the students.

I do not think that TCU realizes the financial problems of the many students that it fines. Parking fines are now up to $100. This can really affect the college experience for many students. Not to mention that you get fined for leaving your hazard lights on and running into a building for two minutes.

It is not only parking but other facilities, such as the Rickel Building and the Student Center, that could use some work. If a student is going to pay to go to a private institution, the school should be able to meet the needs of the student body.

The people who are spending our money need to put some effort into improving the lives of their students if the university wants the students, as alumni, to help improve TCU in the future.

— Ryan Andersen
senior speech communication major.