While the debate over gay marriage continues in Vermont courts, gay, lesbian and bisexual students said they adjusted to coming out during college and faced the misconceptions that surround their sexual orientation. "Most people tend to fear what they don't know," said Rita Cotterly, sexologist with the Health Education Learning Project. "Our culture is sexually illiterate concerning the topic of orientation, and there are many myths that have done a disservice to gays and lesbians." Michelle, a senior liberal arts major, said some people think bisexuals are into "kinky sex and threesomes." "How I try to explain bisexuality is that it means I'm capable of loving anyone regardless of gender," she said. "I'm equally attracted to men and women - I'm attracted to the person." Michelle said during high school she thought some girls were attractive, yet she had no idea that she was bisexual. As a college sophomore, her boyfriend asked if she was bisexual because of comments she made about women, she said. When her boyfriend went away for a month, she said she realized she had the potential to be attracted to certain women as well as men. Coming out to herself meant confronting her own misconceptions about sexual identity, she said. "I realized being gay or bisexual is not all about sex, which is what most people think," Michelle said. "Being gay or bisexual is a small part of a person's life - it's not all-consuming or all-encompassing." She said after she stepped back and examined her sexual identity she stopped labeling some of her friends as "my gay friend Chris" or "my gay friend Scott" because she didn't want to be "my bisexual friend Michelle." John Hussman, a junior English major, said as a 14-year-old, he realized he was attracted to men, though he first was in a state of denial about it. Now he said he chooses to be straightforward and honest about being gay because it is an important part of his life. Being closeted about his sexual orientation, he said, created stress and frustration in his life. "It's (lonely) not having anyone to relate to or talk to about your problems," he said. "It's a constant hassle having to concentrate on keeping the truth from others and not being able to express who you are." Though Hussman has not come out to his parents because he's afraid they will no longer financially support him, he has told his friends. "I have even more friends than I used to because my friends realize I'm a genuine person and someone who is straightforward and truthful with them," he said. Michelle also has told her friends, but some of them, she said, have said negative things behind her back. "I'm accepted by the people I choose to be around," she said. "I do not choose to be around people who won't accept me." Both Michelle and Hussman said they have struggled with their Christian faith. Michelle said the church she attends has dismissed ministers who perform holy unions between same-sex partners. But she said she stays with the church to work for change. "I encourage Christians to keep looking for a church in the true loving spirit of Christ because they are out there," she said. Dating has been difficult at a conservative school, they both said. But Hussman said he is still optimistic about the future. "I hope that I can live my life without having unfair obstacles put in my path," he said. "I want to be able to find someone I can live my life with and be able to have financial security." Cotterly said sexual orientation is determined by a combination of genetic, hormonal and, possibly, environmental factors. Between the age of and 6, she said, straight people know their sexual identity, while gay people know they are different. Gay people must discover their orientation, she said. It is common, Cotterly said, for male and female teenagers to experiment sexually with members of both the opposite and same sex. But, even though a person's sexual behavior may change, the orientation rarely, if ever, changes, she said. Cotterly said young adults often will come out in college instead of high school because they have more self-assurance that they can manage financially. Forty to 50 percent of teenage runaways and throwaways, she said, are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Cotterly also said gays and lesbians who are in the closet experience a great deal of stress putting on a façade because they are afraid of being condemned by their churches, rejected by their parents and friends and stripped of their civil rights. The isolation and alienation of this stress causes pain, she said, and some gays and lesbians deal with it through drugs, sex, acting out or perfectionism. Cotterly said the idea that gay men are unhealthy stems from ignorance. Studies done by psychologist Evelyn Hooker in 1950, she said, show that gay men are no more likely to be unhealthy than straight men. Though the majority of AIDS cases in the United States have been men who have sex with men - which doesn't necessarily mean all the cases are gay men - there is a larger percentage of heterosexuals with AIDS than homosexuals in the world, she said. When asked why some students noticeably avoid walking past or looking at the Coming Out Day table in the Student Center Lounge, Cotterly said such actions illustrate a person's insecurity with his or her own sexual orientation. "If I'm comfortable with my own sexual orientation, then I can be in a room full of people of the opposite orientation and be OK," she said. She said she thinks gays and lesbians should be accepted and not asked to "leave their sexuality at the door." This means, she said, that gays should be able to hold hands, give a hello kiss and go to dances just like straight people. "Regardless of how you feel about gays and lesbians, in this world everyone is entitled to human dignity," she said. "In the (United States), it's liberty or justice for all - or it isn't." Story by Danielle Daniel - Photo by Sarah Kirschberg - Photo Illustration by Jason Crane
Both on- and off-campus resources are available for students wanting to learn more about homosexuality.
Angel of Hope Christian Church
Agape Metropolitan Community Church
Cathedral of Hope
Celebration Community Church
Faculty Allies
P-FLAG
TCU Triangle and Student Allies
This information was collected from an informal poll conducted in TCU's Main Cafeteria. It should not be regarded as representative of campus public opinion.
Do you view homosexuality as "wrong"? Yes-45 No-53 Not sure-2
If a friend told you he/she is gay or bisexual, would you remain friends with him/her? Yes-92 No-6 Not sure-2
Do you think being gay, bisexual or transgender is a "choice"? Yes-56 No-41 Not sure-3
Can you tell by looking at someone if he/she is gay? Yes-19 No-63 Sometimes-18
Do you have any friends who are openly gay, bisexual or transgender? Yes-61 No-39
If a friend told you he/she feels like he/she was born the wrong gender and wishes to be the opposite, would you remain friends with him/her? Yes-77 No-19 Not sure-4 |
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