TodayÕs shows lacking key to greatness: theme songs
COMMENTARY
By C. Suffron

I donÕt know about you, but I donÕt spend much time watching sitcoms anymore. However, there are a few that I still enjoy, one of which is ÒEverybody Loves Raymond.Ó While I find the show quite amusing, ÒEverybody Loves RaymondÓ is the embodiment of a terrible injustice that has swept across television over the past few years. I do not speak of the fact that the man of the house is a bumbling idiot that can never do anything right, although that is a problem with television today and is prevalent in this show. No, I am talking about the showÕs complete lack of a quality theme song.

When one thinks of television history, one thinks of the great theme songs that used to dominate the airwaves. Shows such as ÒMr. Ed,Ó ÒBonanzaÓ and ÒThe Beverly HillbilliesÓ live on because they will forever be linked with their timeless theme songs. Theme song evolution hit its peak in the 1980s, which happened to be the best decade for just about everything, but the world has not seen a truly great theme song since ÒThe Fresh Prince of Bel-AirÓ was canceled.

Ever since ÒSeinfeldÓ became popular without any real song to associate with, television producers havenÕt seemed to care. We must not let this continue. We must bring back the era of the TV theme song.

But what makes a great theme song? LetÕs take a look at the 10 best theme songs of all time as picked by a distinguished panel consisting of me, myself and I to find out what makes up a truly excellent theme song.

The title of the greatest American theme song of all time belongs to ÒThe Greatest American Hero.Ó ÒGreen AcresÓ had the second best theme song of all time followed by ÒThe Andy Griffith Show.Ó The fourth best of all time is ÒChip ÔnÕ DaleÕs Rescue RangersÓ and ÒRaw HideÓ rounds out the top five. The sixth and seventh best are ÒGrowing PainsÓ and ÒCheersÓ respectively, and Ò*M*A*S*H*,Ó ÒGilliganÕs IslandÓ and ÒHappy DaysÓ finish out the top 10.

No two songs on the list have been propelled there by the exact same characteristics. We can analyze the group as a whole and develop some general rules that make a theme song great. First of all, every one of these shows stayed on the air for at least a few years. A theme song can not be great unless the show it is with is good enough to stick around for a while, though ÒGreen AcresÓ proves that having a good show is not always necessary.

The type of show is not important, as the list contains a wide range of genres from cartoon to western. Mentioning the name of the show in the song also helps. Only two of the top 10 songs do not have lyrics, which means that words are beneficial but not a necessity for greatness.

Basically, all of these songs capture the essence of what the show is about, whether they explicitly state the plot or not. They are fun to sing Ñ or whistle Ñ along with, and I like them. Most importantly they are good songs. Theme songs today are too short and seem to lack any thought. Maybe some of you aspiring Hollywood-types can help. I know we can never have another ÒThe Greatest American Hero,Ó but another ÒCharles in ChargeÓ would be nice. Now thatÕs the best elevator music IÕve ever heard.

Christopher Suffron is a senior accounting major from League City.